What will they think of me and of us?

Sometimes to make a change that you might not feel comfortable with you have to look for an end point and work backwards. Picking an imaginary point in the future that you might one day enjoy, when your kids are grown up and imagine what they might want to say about you can be an incentive to start modelling that behaviour from now. It’s easy to get bogged down in the pettiness of a squabble with your co-parent and to ignore how it makes your children feel but even if your children can’t express how they feel now, they will be able to when they are older, and they won’t forget easily.

Imagine a happy occasion where you might need to spend time with your co-parent in the future, a family wedding or a grandchild’s christening.

It’s time for the speeches after the meal.

First write down what 5 words you think your child will say about you and your co-parent in that speech now.

And then write down what 5 words you would want them to say.

Is there a gap?

What 3 things can you do to bridge it?